Challenging my core being

I work in  a private company. I got my appraisal results today and i scored the lowest in the communication skills section. Henceforth this blog will be an attempt to record my errors and travails in becoming a better speaker, an extrovert, a more sociable person, both at work and outside, among other things.

Ever since  i remember, i have been a quiet person. A shy reserved child growing up into a shy reserved woman. Living and experiencing life as an introvert. I was probably the quietest person in class. Among my friends, no i don’t speak when in a group. Maybe at times I do but very few times. No i don’t make any significant contribution in a group of people. I probably only talk willingly to my parents, my siblings and a couple of friends.Maybe three friends. I feel i can think best when alone. I can work better when people are not around. And i do not really think i need people at any time.I am not fond of small talk. All my small talk attempts are forced and possibly come across as that. In a professional organisation, where communication is the key to success, i need to change myself in order to survive. I can’t decide whether its social anxiety i suffer from or i am just an introvert. At times i consider myself a misanthropist. And no i cannot pretend to be something i am not. To be friendly when i least feel so. To be the life of a party when i had rather not be there.

When i feel interested in a conversation, i listen hard. I think i am a good listener, when i wish to listen that is. Yes i have opinions. Yes i do think. But no i do not express myself. Sometimes out of sheer laziness, sometimes because expressing takes a significant amount of energy for my which i might not have been able to collect or mostly because, umm shall i call it scared?

Yes probably because i am scared to. No in the decisions impacting my life i don’t really care for people’s opinions. Never did. But probably at some level i never wanted to hear opinions and hence never welcomed any conversations about such controversial or confrontational issues. Probably due to this i missed out on a lot of very significant life experiences. Somehow i managed mostly to avoid confrontations all my life, in my 26 years. 

This blog i started as an attempt to express myself through the written word. I need to express myself, work on both my oral and written communication skills. And i am hoping to make concentrated efforts in that direction.. From being an introvert to an extrovert.